Laura & Bryant!!! So proud of you.

I had just finished my lazy first cup of coffee this Sunday morning when I heard the intro to Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who chiming somewhere in my house. When I finally found my phone and silenced the ringtone, I realized I had just missed a call from my sister-in-law. Crap! I thought to myself, I hardly ever get the chance to catch up with her, and I quickly called her back.

Laura and her husband Bryant had recently spent six months doing -what I believe is called 'hiking'- the Appalachian Trail. They posted beautiful pictures of their experiences, but I was confused by the overwhelming amount of trees and overall lack of amenities. I have been told, though this must be a paraphrase of some sort, that they slept in the woods. As in, on the forest floor. For months. On purpose. I initially assumed they must have been lost, but no one seemed to search for their whereabouts, almost to the point they assessed their situation without concern.

Puzzled, I played along so as not to arouse suspicion. If I was the only one who thought six months without sitting in a jetted tub and a glass or three of Chardonnay was normal...well then, I would play my cards close to my chest. But THEN, things got even stranger.

I was told that after six months walking burdened with heavy packs and enduring something called 'blisters', they did not immediately locate a medic and/or cocktail lounge. Apparently there is a place in West Virginia where there is a river riddled with dangerous currents and boulders. That's not all. People pay Laura and Bryant to take them down this cold, wet death trap on-get this-a rubber flotation device. I get upset when it rains and my patio furniture gets damp. This is beyond my understanding.

So, this morning I flip through my decorating magazine and listen in shock as she happily tells me they are NOW leaving for a month to navigate the Grand Canyon. I am hesitant to tell her that I am pretty sure this area has previously been located by an explorer of some sort and there is no need to do this, but she seems unfazed. I mean, I have never been to this area, but I have seen it on my Hi-def flat screen and it is SO lifelike! I don't even have to leave the comfort of my sectional! Maybe I will tell her that when they come into town. She'll probably feel so foolish she didn't think of it first.

I am so looking forward to seeing them. They must miss easily accessible shopping plazas and food you can purchase while sitting in your car. They will probably immediately want to know what has been happening on Fox News.

I tell her we all miss them, and we're all doing well. The weather? Not sure, I say. But our air-conditioning has been nice. Yesterday? Oh, I went to greet Taylor as she finished her first 'Marathon'. It turns out this isn't the type of marathon where they show a whole day's worth of your favorite reality TV program, she RAN for 26 miles. I tell Laura I am going to lend Taylor money for gas. Poor girl. I have got to tell these poor misled women about buttery Chardonnay, they'll thank me.