"Rise and shine!"
"I'm a morning person!"
These and other obnoxious sayings are meant to belittle and shun the-gasp-people who like to sleep.
When I was a little girl, I never argued about naptime. As a teenager, I slept an alarming amount. Now, as an adult, I relish the velvet luxury that is slumber. Yes, I said it. I like to sleep.
It seems a popular bragging point with Morning People to casually mention how early they arose. Whether they have triplets, like to paint the sunrise, or just prefer to trek to Guatemala to pick their coffee beans for the most sensationally perfect cup of coffee ever, they love to let you know.
Morning people will often start with a comment like, "I just love the way the morning sun relaxes me." You know what relaxes me? Unconsciousness. And then they will respond with something extremely passive aggressive, like, "Hm. I wish I could sleep in, I just have far too much to do! Gosh, it must be so nice." It is nice. Now, I'd love to stay and chat about the afghan you knitted at 5:30, but I need to take a nap.
My father is one of the belittling morning people. He has never shown an interest in music, but during my visits he will often assemble a seven-piece orchestra at six in the morning. When I emerge from my room disguised as a rabid Yeti ready to tear his face off, he looks at me blankly and explains he is merely loading the dishwasher. Then he will shake his head in disgust and prepare the slew of disparaging comments he will present when I emerge at (the nerve!) nine. Such little gems like, "Thanks for joining us, finally." And my personal favorite, "half the day is gone!" Apparently, what Morning People make up for in excess chores, they lack in math.
My sleeping schedule seems to just be nails on a chalkboard to Morning People. My work schedule is compliant, my husband has learned to deal, nothing suffers as I peacefully dream. So, early bird, go catch your worm. I'm the Late Bird. I ate your worm last night with a glass of Chardonnay. And, oh, yeah, it was buttery.
No comments:
Post a Comment