"Love takes work and intention, not fairy dust." My married friend remarked the other day. She was tired of the implication that it's all rose petals and embraces. I have to agree. I mean, the term "Soul Mate" sounds more to me like a coffee creamer for jive people than anything. Jerry Maguire may have uttered the phrase, "you complete me" for all hopeless romantics to cling to, but that begs the question, was I incomplete before?
If you answered yes and believe yourself on a higher plane of romance, then congratulations, you are a codependent with low self-esteem. Stop griping, hopeless romantics, it's just that a healthy relationship actually takes two whole individuals. We have been trained to believe that you are in a greater state of love if you constantly dramatically position yourself as the other's savior. Otherwise, you're just a sub-plot.
Every Hallmark card involving an anniversary gushes about the timeless romance that still is burning. It doesn't say, "Next year could you please not voice your idea to change careers at the same moment I am crying about a large financial obligation? Thanks, your loving wife."
I'm not saying there isn't romance, or even overwhelming love. Of course there is. It should go without saying, but I feel the need to drive this point home- it's not a movie out there, people. I am not going to get a letter saying I am the lost heir to a crown and now have the hilariously awkward task of learning royal etiquette which catches the eye of a prince that looks remarkably similar to an Abercrombie model. Love ensues, credits roll.
Many movies, though some better written, have this basic idea. The chase, the romance, the falling for someone. They rarely show the long, sometimes hard, sometimes boring 40 years or more of marriage. Maybe that's why people so easily give up and the divorce rate is so high. They don't know what to do past the initial excitement.
Love isn't an emotion, it's an action. You choose to love someone past the rolling credits. Yeah, my life movie has those first kiss, awkward first-date tension memories with Bryan, sure. But the best part of the movie isn't the initial attraction, the dating, or even the wedding. The best parts are the ones where you truly get to know all the aspects of someone. Moments that are ugly, hilarious, embarrassing, and so rewarding. Moments that would send Hillary Duff running in the other direction, but you stay. Not because that was how some cosmic fate decided it, but because you choose it.
I could say that Bryan is my "Soul Mate" and some people would sigh and smile. But I want to give him more credit than that. He chose his wife, continues to choose me every day, and damn, he has good taste.
Great post; thanks for sharing your thoughts Carrie. Oh, and judging by the studliness of your husband, I think it's clear to see that you've got pretty good taste yourself.
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