Is it wrong to compare skills with a toddler? Hey, if it's wrong to be proud of years of independent accomplishments and put them side-by-side with a small child to make myself appear infinitely superior, then I don't wanna be right.
Oddly, I have several comparisons to the contrary. After over 30 years of life, I have yet to master not falling down. It seems like I should have gained better bipedal skills...No matter. And I sometimes cry when I need a nap. But at least I don't have a sippy cup. My Chardonnay is served to me in a shatter-proof plastic stem glass. (I may have dropped one or two glass ones in the past, and this seems to bypass the messy cleanup.)
Just this morning when Bryan and I were cleaning the garage and I cut my finger, I didn't cry for my mommy. I hyperventilated and made a sound similar to an injured Ostrich until my husband put a bandage on it. I'm a grown up. I have a garage. What do you have? Elmo? He's a puppet.
So, little toddler, next time you recite a poem, or-alert the Pulitzer Committee-the alphabet, remember this: I don't have a lisp. And my pants don't have snaps in the crotch. I may already know less than you about using anything invented by Steve Jobs, but I can go on a roller coaster. I won't, because they scare me, but I could if I wanted to.
Little poem-reading boy, you have the heart of America right now. I encourage you to live in this moment. Reading a whole poem is an impressive accomplishment for a baby. Bet you wish you could read Twilight. I can. Twice. Okay, more than that. Maybe not the best use of my time. Whatever, the point is Elmo is a moron and Edward Cullen is awesome. And I am an adult...right?
No comments:
Post a Comment